Thursday, July 23, 2009

Chill pill, dude.

(This is what we're trying to avoid)

So here we find ourselves. Smack in the middle of wedding season. Let's take a deep breath.

I've always thought when I was ready to have kids I'd want to plan it so I wouldn't be 9 months preggers in August. But for some reason I never equated that gem of knowledge to other aspects where it might be valid like "I don't want to spend my entire summer freaking the F out planning a wedding" when I set a September 15th date. In fact, I compounded it by moving from DC to MA at the same time. But that's my own bowl of crazy.

And it seems like a lot of people are in that boat. Every time I chat it up with a bride-to-be lately at some point they half shout "IF I EVER MAKE IT THERE!" and by "there" they're referring to it "THE BIG DAY". In honor of all of them I'm going to pour a flute of champagne* on the ground for all my brides who've fallen down the rabbit hole of insanity.

Remember it's all about getting MARRIED. You about to hitch yourself to one hell of a man who has been smiling and nodding (albeit somewhat terrifiedly) about fabric swatches and flowers and guest lists and favors and more. Do you know where I got the name of my business from? Have I shared that story yet? Well, it's been awhile if I have. This is from the most recent Kiera Knightley P&P:

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think...”Lizzie" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and...”Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?
[kisses her on the forehead]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the right cheek]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the nose]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the left cheek]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[finally kisses her on the mouth]

That's about to be you! You're going to be "Mrs. Darcy" and be completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy. Not always... but you'll have someone to go through it all with!

So screw favors. Screw flowers and crazy relatives and the like. They'll be great. Think about weddings you went to before you got engaged. Do you have one in your mind? Great. What kind of chairs did they have? Were they covered? What did you eat? What kind of centerpieces did they have? Hmm... do I hear crickets? If you happen to remember it all, you crazy loon-- go poll some co-workers. It's in the name of science and getting up from your desk.

What people remember is whether they had fun. And people will have fun if you're having fun. When you perform, even if you screw up if you just keep going- 90% of the people don't notice. If you fling yourself to the floor and stamp your feet, 100% of the people will notice. And that won't be fun for anyone.

BUT most importantly it won't be fun for YOU! So elect a bridesmaid to be extra chipper and bubbly so things stay happy (and not cry-y- ugh- puffy eyes- don't get me started) and make sure there are plants in the audience to start dancing and to keep it going. You'll be just fine and you'll make it there with all your hair intact and not in a pile around you.

*Symbolically. I a) don't have champagne on hand, b) would be so sad to see undrank champagne on the floor I might cry and c) would probably have to clean it up after.

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